the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
