bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
