Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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