I'm so fucking centered right now
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
