sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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