I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
