i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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