The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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