When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
