And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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