Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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