The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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