so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
