your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
