This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
