You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
