chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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