i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
