I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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