wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
