That reminds me...we need to get swords
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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