And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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