She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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