I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
