That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
