hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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