put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
