Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
where does the pee come out of this thing
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i've created a new STD.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
