Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
