he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
