how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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