all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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