just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
should my penis look like a turkey
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
