So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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