From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk is not a location!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
