Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize