Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
