Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
