I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bring money and cleavage
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
