i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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