Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
