Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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