It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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