Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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