It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
