I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
