Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Even my vagina gasped.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Enjoy the penises
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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