if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
