Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
