He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ketchup is God's man juice
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
