I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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