I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
