You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
