It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
