your parents love me but you hate me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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