You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
