Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
