Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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