He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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