I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
