for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
