For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
