the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
