My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
