Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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