I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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