so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
