i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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