youre lurking in front of me
It's Friday. Sex?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
