good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
