you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
