im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
