remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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