If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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