you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Say something about gay babies.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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