why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
