If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
