I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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