its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
