you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
