have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
