No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
