hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize