His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
