Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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