I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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