Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
