I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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