my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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