Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
