you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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