guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
