i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
