I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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