btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
