Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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