Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize