I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
