The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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